Funny quotes that make you think

x2 May 01, 2022 · Dear Sunday, please don’t leave me. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield. There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. Funny would you rather questions are a blast to ask. They can turn any conversation into a hilarious and ridiculous exchange. They're questions to ask when you're sitting around a table with friends, one on one with a girl you like, or bored at school, in between classes. Traditionally, they're questions with two different choices, both equally challenging to decide on. Now: I've played the ...133+ Stupid Quotes some of which may Make Sense. "The real war is not between the West and the East. The real war is between intelligent and stupid people.". ― Marjane Satrapi. "Stupid people do make me lose my temper and most people are stupid, fortunately for me. It's made it easier for me to make a living.".These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is ...A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - By Chauncey Mitchell Depew. Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - By instantly.Some people think they're hilarious until they get on stage and grab a mic. Fortunately, you've got nothing to lose - this is free to try. You've got the opportunity to go create something without having to worry about investment. So, get to it; go create make one of the next great "Sh*t Happens" funny t-shirt sayings.Bertrand Russell. We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. Unknown. You can't fix stupid. Ron White. Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative. John Stuart Mill. Any girl can be glamorous.2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. 5. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.20 Funny Quotes for Parents Who Are Bravely Raising Tweens and Teens. 1. "When you're a teenager, 'No' is a complete sentence.". Think about the number of times your teen has responded with that single word. It's probably been enough for you to dread that sound, but your teen likely sees nothing wrong with it.If you think you're going to crash, step on the pedal harder. Suga "Never Mind" Erase all sad memories. Hold each other's hands and smile. BTS "2,3!" To lose your path is the way to find that path. BTS "Lost" The dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest. BTS "Tomorrow" I'm becoming weird.Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win. Unknown. You attract what you fear.'. Oh my God, I'm scared of $10.6 Billion. Unknown. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut. Albert Einstein.Oct 08, 2020 · 111+ Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice 1. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. - Bernard... 2. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln 3. A failure is like fertilizer; ... 20 Funny Quotes for Parents Who Are Bravely Raising Tweens and Teens. 1. "When you're a teenager, 'No' is a complete sentence.". Think about the number of times your teen has responded with that single word. It's probably been enough for you to dread that sound, but your teen likely sees nothing wrong with it.They never turn the lights off. -- Ralph Bus. Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. -- M. Berle. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben. Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. Winston Churchill. "Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up" Chinese proverb. "Go as far as you can see, when you get there you'll be able to see further.". Thomas Carlyle. "If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.". John Quincy Adams.Badass Quotes for Guys. Be like a drug, let them die for you. Be yourself, you're not born to impress anyone. Once I'm gone, I'm gone, I'll never return into your life. Every girl is beautiful, It just take the right filter to see it. Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.64. You're just like bacon, beer and chocolate - you make everything better. 65. Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It's worth a thousand and more. Plus, it's free. 66. You're the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake. 67. You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog ...9. "Sometimes, life is unfair, and you have to suck it up and move on and not use it as an excuse.". — Robert Kraft. 10. "It's unfair to be fair, for life is unfair.". — Farley Maglaya. 11. "It is the fairness of life that makes it seem unfair.". — Gugu Mona.Funny And Sarcastic Quotes About Know it Alls. "The amazing moment when you prove a "know-it-all" wrong.". "How come know-it-alls don't know how annoying they are?". "Since you know it all, you should also know when to shut up.". "Nothing's worse than a woman know-it-all.".118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! Jimmy 02/07/2022 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes Puns Family Friendly Jokes. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? Stupidity is always funny! Yeah, it can be embarrassing sometimes, but most of it is hilarious! Imagine having a friend that is so stupid that it makes him so funny as well.Be the ENTIRE problem. You think you love your family but suddenly there are three of you and one remaining slice of pizza. 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10. Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead. The Best Funny Brain Teasers That Will Make You Think (And Laugh Out Loud) 1. When I'm young, I'm sweet in the sun. At middle-age, I make you gay. When old, I'm valued more than ever. What am I? 2. Without it, I am dead. If I am not it, then then I am behind.A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - By Chauncey Mitchell Depew. Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - By instantly.Jul 04, 2022 · If you corny with it Ima just wait I can’t bring my nasty out first. The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. – Deepak Chopra. I want to control you, command you, dominate you, and use you. And then I want to touch you, hold you, kiss you, and make you feel safe. Funny Weird Quotes That Make You Think 26. I thought weirdness was a good thing. I don't mean that defensively, either. I thought it was something to be cultivated. - Holly Black 27. In writing a weird story, I always try very carefully to achieve the right mood and atmosphere and place the emphasis where it belongs. - H. P. Lovecraft 28.It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. "Love is the strange bewilderment which overtakes one person on account of another person.". - James Thurber. "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.". - Sophocles.Sep 22, 2020 · Sharpen your rough edges and be the best version of your weird self. - Colin Wright. 11. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson. 12. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. - Ellen DeGeneres. 30 Funny Quotes From The Big Bang Theory That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud Compiled by Jasmine Mahoro, readersdigest.ca Updated: Mar. 15, 2022 Over the course of 12 laugh-filled seasons, The Big Bang Theory established itself as one of the most hilarious (and geeky) sitcoms in television history.45 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes - Short and Happy Quotes About Thanksgiving Day. 1. Your Yard Needs These Perennial Flowers and Plants. 2. 53 Genius Ways to Throw a Better Backyard Barbecue. 3. Then and Now: The Cast of 'Yellowstone'. 4. Refreshing Frozen Drinks for the Coolest Summer.Jul 02, 2022 · 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! Jimmy 02/07/2022 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes Puns Family Friendly Jokes. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? Stupidity is always funny! Yeah, it can be embarrassing sometimes, but most of it is hilarious! Imagine having a friend that is so stupid that it makes him so funny as well. 101 "I miss you" Quotes for When You are Missing Someone You Love . Texts to make him laugh . Teasing can be very effective, so try to be a little cheeky when you text to make him smile. This is when you can have some fun. Whenever you see a funny video, meme or article, share it with him to brighten his day.Mind-Blowing Sexy Love Quotes. When you kiss me, I don't feel butterflies. I feel the whole zoo. I love the way you explore my body. The way you walk, talk, and think—it's all sexy to me.". All I need is a hug and our bed. Your lips are like honey, and your kisses are like wine. Related: Badass Quotes.May 20, 2020 · Plato. “He was a wise man who invented beer.”. — Plato. The compliment of “wise” really means a lot coming from Plato. We’d like to think he’d also enjoy these funny drinking quotes ... Funny Quotes. Forty isn't old, if you're a tree. - Unknown; I'm not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years of experience. - Unknown; Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. - Charles M. Schultz; Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or ...500 Deep Quotes organized by Most Popular. "Love in your mind produces love in your life. This is the meaning of heaven. Fear in your mind produces fear in your life. This is the meaning of hell.". — Marianne Williamson , A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles. Tagged: Love, Heaven, Hell, Fear. The car has become the carapace, the protective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man. Marshall McLuhan. 1. Copy. More books, more racing and more foolishness with cars and motorcycles are in the works. Brock Yates. 2. Copy. Never have more children than you have car windows.19. Hardcore stuff. 20. This meme about life is so funny i just want to say i am writing stuff down to hit my word count and not really relevant…Get it? 21. Exactly! This is the best of the funny memes about life image. 22. I want superheros, not nudes ( said no one, ever.6. Which armrest is yours at a movie theater? Holding a large tub of popcorn helps eliminate this problem since you need your arms to keep the container from tipping over. At some point, you appreciate the armrests more for the cupholders than for anything else. 7.These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is ...Steve Martin. Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. Steve Martin. I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. Like I. Steve Martin. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. Money Beautiful Believe I.May 29, 2018 · 64. You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better. 65. Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It’s worth a thousand and more. Plus, it’s free. 66. You’re the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake. 67. You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog ... Funny thought of the day. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". - Charles M. Schulz. "By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.". - Charles Wadsworth. "A day without laughter is a day wasted.". - Charlie Chaplin.Robert A. Heinlein. Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work. Gustave Flaubert. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Kahlil Gibran. Time is a created thing. To say "I don't have time", is like saying, "I don't want to". Lao Tzu.1. "If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." -Muhammad Ali. 2. "You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the ...Apr 13, 2016 · 162. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 163. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 164. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to bl Here is the collection of the best funny confusing quotes that make you think twice. While numerous things are unsure throughout everyday life, one sure thing is you can hope to be confusing a ton of the time. These funny confusing quotes will motivate you.Don't call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your glasses. Smile if you just had a naughty thought… yep, you just smiled! Woman without curves is like a road without bends…. You may get to your destination quicker, but the ride is boring as hell. I hate how chocolate immediately melt on my fingers.Jan 06, 2022 · 9. “One time I talked to someone for twenty minutes so now I know how exhausted someone feels after running a marathon.”. 10. “Home is where the introvert is.”. 11. “I need three hours to get ready, and two of those are me talking myself into getting ready.”. 12. “Why the f-k would you go big when you can go home.”. 13. In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! Anonymous Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sayings 3K Likes It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. Anonymous Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes 897 Likes It's so simple to be wise. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. We recently asked the HuffPost community to share the funniest thing their kid said that week, and we got some great responses. Oh, to be a kid again! 1. 2.Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. ― Sharon Stone. Age is just a number, totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. ― Joan Collins. The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. ― George Carlin. Just watch. 5. Ellen Degeneres Walks the Path. "Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.". - Ellen Degeneres. When it comes to life, you have your own path that you are walking.Clever Quotes. There’s nothing like a really clever joke or one-liner to make us laugh, and that’s why we the team at Quotereel really enjoyed collecting these clever quotes. Most of them are funny, some of them are thoughtful, and some are thought-provoking. Clever humor is often based on sarcasm, which is a way of saying something ... Dec 29, 2019 · Jurassic Park that is.”. — Unknown. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”. — Jon Stewart. “The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.”. — Kin Hubbard. “If you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth kid, just imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a fourth kid.”. There's no dying. There's no you or me or them. It's just us.". "We go through this life slowly but surely, just collecting these little pieces of ourselves that we can't really live without until, eventually, we have enough of them to where we feel whole.". "'I'm sorry' is like a magic word when you're a kid.Mind-Blowing Sexy Love Quotes. When you kiss me, I don't feel butterflies. I feel the whole zoo. I love the way you explore my body. The way you walk, talk, and think—it's all sexy to me.". All I need is a hug and our bed. Your lips are like honey, and your kisses are like wine. Related: Badass Quotes.May 20, 2020 · Plato. “He was a wise man who invented beer.”. — Plato. The compliment of “wise” really means a lot coming from Plato. We’d like to think he’d also enjoy these funny drinking quotes ... The car has become the carapace, the protective and aggressive shell, of urban and suburban man. Marshall McLuhan. 1. Copy. More books, more racing and more foolishness with cars and motorcycles are in the works. Brock Yates. 2. Copy. Never have more children than you have car windows.Thomas A. Edison. Inspirational, Motivational, Positive. 367 Copy quote. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. Inspiring Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice 1. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Bernard Baruch 2. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln 3.Sep 12, 2018 · Here you will find top ten Funny Teacher Quotes and Sayings selected by our team. “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” —Louis-Hector Berlioz. “I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” —Woody Allen. “To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good ... One of every three snakebite victims is drunk, while one out of every five is tattooed. One out of every three male motorists picks their nose while driving. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts. 40% of all women have thrown their shoes at a man.I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen "Fuck it." That's really the attitude that's keeps a family together. It's not "We love each other!" It's "Fuck it." Louis C.K. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Steven Wright Click to tweet2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. 5. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.1. "Money is like a sixth sense - and you can't make use of the other five without it.". - William Somerset Maugham. 2. "Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.". - Helen Gurley Brown. 3. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.". - Woody Allen.Short and quick to read poems to make you laugh, silly yet funny rhymes in a short amount of time. There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night. ... Growing Old by Pamela J. Langdon They said I was an "old fart" But I hardly think that's true My boobs were done in '75 But my teeth and knees are new.16 Photos From Around The World To Make You Think 40 Powerful Photos Show A Different Side to Life 23 Fascinating Photos of our Fascinating World ... Funny Photos To Make You Laugh 17 Pictures That Really Make you Think 21/21 1 /21 . solidsnake4545. Uploaded 07/29/2016. 40 Ratings. 63,847 Views; 20 Comments; 9 Favorites ...Apr 13, 2016 · 162. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 163. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 164. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to bl 53 Quotes That Will Make You Rethink Everything. 1. "Everything you can imagine is real.". ― Pablo Picasso. 2. "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and ...The best funny photos. We all could use a good laugh every now and then. Check out this collection of funny pictures starting with this adorable lobster chihuahua to get the laughs started!22 Ridiculously Funny Church Signs Guaranteed to Make You Chuckle. There are many Southern traditions that revolve around going to church, like after-church potlucks, " church hair ," church hats and Bible camp. Yes, there are some pretty bizarre Southern church traditions (sometimes it's more of a social event or fashion show), but churches ...Here is the collection of the best funny confusing quotes that make you think twice. While numerous things are unsure throughout everyday life, one sure thing is you can hope to be confusing a ton of the time. These funny confusing quotes will motivate you.Sep 22, 2020 · Sharpen your rough edges and be the best version of your weird self. - Colin Wright. 11. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson. 12. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. - Ellen DeGeneres. "Where flowers bloom so does hope.". - Lady Bird Johnson. 2. "Passion first and everything will fall into place.". - Holly Holm. 3. "But I think when we play so often in finals, I think it adds something to the game, you know, because people sometimes miss it and sometimes they don't have it and they want it,.3. "Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.". - Mallory Hopkins. This is one of the funniest clever quotes that can make anyone laugh. This might be humorous, yet there is also some truth to it. Most of us dream of living our life to the fullest, however, we are only humans and sometimes life can be difficult.They never turn the lights off. -- Ralph Bus. Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. -- M. Berle. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben. Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.How long is your "now"? 2. Do your dreams have a deeper meaning? 3. What was the moment where you felt most motivated? 4. If you won the lottery, what would your "today" look like in five years? 5 ...Jun 10, 2022 · Edward Cullen: “It’s the national pastime.”. – Twilight. “By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.”. – Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada. “It’s about time somebody stood up to Auntie Eleanor. Every day does indeed start with a sunrise, and that's the way every morning should start. 2. Richard Whately on Losing an Hour. "Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it.". - Richard Whately. Perhaps a bit more inspirational than most in our list, Whately inspires us to get going.39 Jimmy Durante Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone. Jimmy Durante is the famous comedian who said "Good night, Mrs. Calabash" - one of the most memorable catchphrases by any entertainer. He was a trained and skilled pianist, singer, and actor as well. As a young boy, Durante wanted to try his luck as a saloon pianist.Inspiring Funny Confusing Quotes That Make You Think Twice 1. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Bernard Baruch 2. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln 3.Charles Darwin. "Choose a compassionate frame of mind. Always choose love. Always be kind.". Beth Arnold. "Vegan is just pure love. Love for animals, love for the planet, and love for yourself.". Mischa Temaul. "As I improved my diet, I started to learn to love myself, probably for the first time ever.".You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. Sam Levenson; A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Steve Martin ————— You’re on Funny Positive Quotes. You might like: Uplift your Spirits Quotations. Funny Sayings. Funny wordplay and puns. Humorous Holiday ... Jurassic Park that is.". — Unknown. "Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.". — Jon Stewart. "The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.". — Kin Hubbard. "If you want to know what it's like to have a fourth kid, just imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a fourth kid.".1. Calvin Quotes. "There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.". - Calvin. "Becoming an adult is probably the dumest thing you could ever do.". - Calvin. "How old do you have to be before you know what's going on?".Funny Quotes. Forty isn't old, if you're a tree. - Unknown; I'm not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years of experience. - Unknown; Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. - Charles M. Schultz; Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or ...Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. ― Sharon Stone. Age is just a number, totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. ― Joan Collins. The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. ― George Carlin. Just watch. 5. Ellen Degeneres Walks the Path. "Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.". - Ellen Degeneres. When it comes to life, you have your own path that you are walking.Print out these short quotes about life and post them around your home and office! 1. Next time a stranger talks to you when you're alone, just look at them shocked and whisper. "You can see me?" 2. Dorothy never said, "There's no place like office." Make sure you enjoy a good balance of work/life/cuddle/chill. - Karen Salmansohn 3.I think you're a fucking idiot." 50. "That amazing moment when you hear a song you haven't heard in years and you still know every word." 51. "Word of the day: Shenanigator a person who instigates shenanigans." 52. "I can't believe how old people my age are." 53. "Home is where you trust the toilet seat." 54.101 "I miss you" Quotes for When You are Missing Someone You Love . Texts to make him laugh . Teasing can be very effective, so try to be a little cheeky when you text to make him smile. This is when you can have some fun. Whenever you see a funny video, meme or article, share it with him to brighten his day.There's no dying. There's no you or me or them. It's just us.". "We go through this life slowly but surely, just collecting these little pieces of ourselves that we can't really live without until, eventually, we have enough of them to where we feel whole.". "'I'm sorry' is like a magic word when you're a kid.Sep 13, 2015 - Explore Amy Ault's board "Quotes that make you stop and think." on Pinterest. See more ideas about quotes, me quotes, words of wisdom.Funny Money Management Quote #1. "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.". - Will Smith. Funny Money Management Quote #2. "There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.". - Jack Yelton.Really Funny. There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate. Linda Grayson. One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements. Marcelene Cox. A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body. Jim Hayes.Steve Martin. Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. Steve Martin. I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. Like I. Steve Martin. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. Money Beautiful Believe I. 19. Hardcore stuff. 20. This meme about life is so funny i just want to say i am writing stuff down to hit my word count and not really relevant…Get it? 21. Exactly! This is the best of the funny memes about life image. 22. I want superheros, not nudes ( said no one, ever.Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. We recently asked the HuffPost community to share the funniest thing their kid said that week, and we got some great responses. Oh, to be a kid again! 1. 2.It is living a life of learning on a schedule that meets your family's needs. Unknown. Homeschooling allows you the freedom to step off the highway of learning and take a more scenic route along a dirt road. Tamara L. Chilver. Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.—W.C. Fields 4. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." —Joan Rivers 5. "Do not take life too seriously. You...May 01, 2022 · Dear Sunday, please don’t leave me. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield. There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. Thomas A. Edison. Inspirational, Motivational, Positive. 367 Copy quote. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. Feb 20, 2021 · It can’t buy you money. ~ Henny Youngman. When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is. ~ Oscar Wilde. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers. Shit Happens. I Mean, Look at Your Face. Sarcasm Is an Art. If It Was a science I'd Have My PHD. I'm Sick of Following My Dreams, Man. I'm Just Going to Ask Where They're Going and Hook Up With 'em Later. Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes.Here is a compilation of 100 questions that make you think and help you get started on the path to wisdom: Questions on Self-Reflection. Remember wisdom favors those who seek it. Everything in your life starts with you. Understanding your innate abilities, fears, desires, insecurities, and feelings is necessary to deal with them effectively.118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! Jimmy 02/07/2022 Jokes Tags: Classic Jokes Puns Family Friendly Jokes. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? Stupidity is always funny! Yeah, it can be embarrassing sometimes, but most of it is hilarious! Imagine having a friend that is so stupid that it makes him so funny as well.If you think you're going to crash, step on the pedal harder. Suga "Never Mind" Erase all sad memories. Hold each other's hands and smile. BTS "2,3!" To lose your path is the way to find that path. BTS "Lost" The dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest. BTS "Tomorrow" I'm becoming weird.Funny Parenting Quotes. "Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.". - Joyce Armor. "90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.". - Anonymous. "Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.". - Benjamin Spock. "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but ...Inspirational Good Morning Quotes. "Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.". — Ralph Waldo Emerson. "I get up every morning and it's going to be a great day. You never know when it's going to be over, so I refuse to have a bad day.". "An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.".Funny Quotes. Forty isn't old, if you're a tree. - Unknown; I'm not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years of experience. - Unknown; Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. - Charles M. Schultz; Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or ... 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. "Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.". "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.". "Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.". "A computer once beat me at chess.Jul 04, 2022 · If you corny with it Ima just wait I can’t bring my nasty out first. The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. – Deepak Chopra. I want to control you, command you, dominate you, and use you. And then I want to touch you, hold you, kiss you, and make you feel safe. 39 Jimmy Durante Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone. Jimmy Durante is the famous comedian who said "Good night, Mrs. Calabash" - one of the most memorable catchphrases by any entertainer. He was a trained and skilled pianist, singer, and actor as well. As a young boy, Durante wanted to try his luck as a saloon pianist.Shit Happens. I Mean, Look at Your Face. Sarcasm Is an Art. If It Was a science I'd Have My PHD. I'm Sick of Following My Dreams, Man. I'm Just Going to Ask Where They're Going and Hook Up With 'em Later. Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes.Just watch. 5. Ellen Degeneres Walks the Path. "Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.". - Ellen Degeneres. When it comes to life, you have your own path that you are walking.8. “When I’m feeling down & someone says ‘suck it up’ I get the urge to break their legs and say ‘walk it off’.”. 9. “Just when I think I have all my ducks in a row one of the fluffy fuckers wanders off & gets into some shit.”. 10. “He wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too.”. 11. Charles Darwin. "Choose a compassionate frame of mind. Always choose love. Always be kind.". Beth Arnold. "Vegan is just pure love. Love for animals, love for the planet, and love for yourself.". Mischa Temaul. "As I improved my diet, I started to learn to love myself, probably for the first time ever.".Jan 26, 2017 · Trying to think of a comeback and got burned in the process. 27. Virtual Gf burn, always a nice comeback. 28. Again, it’s stupid to try and burn a celeb or a rich person. 29. HA! nice comeback bro! 30. Trying to praise but getting a mean comeback in the process. Daniel Daza/Netflix. This was one of those moments on Narcos where fact was stranger than fiction. 2. "Plata O Plomo.". Simply put, silver or lead. 3. "The hippies had been replaced by ...It doesn’t have your number in it. #2. If you were a tropical fruit, you’d be a fine-apple! #3. I love you like a pig loves not being bacon. #4. Even if there wasn’t gravity on earth, I’d still fall for you. #5. Life without you is like a broken pencil… pointless. 1. "Money is like a sixth sense - and you can't make use of the other five without it.". - William Somerset Maugham. 2. "Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.". - Helen Gurley Brown. 3. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.". - Woody Allen.They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!". - Anne Tyler. "My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!" -Greg Curtis. "A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well - almost." -Charlotte Gray. "If you're uncomfortable around my dog, I'm happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.Funny school quotes. School is where we go to learn something from teachers but our teachers don't know our future. My mum wakes me up to go to school but she doesn't know that my favorite place to sleep is on the last bench. As long as there will be Maths in school I always pray to God. High School looks goods on TV but in reality, it does ...You're going to get it anyway." —Erma Bombeck 12. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." —Phyllis Diller 13. "Never follow anyone else's...If you think you're going to crash, step on the pedal harder. Suga "Never Mind" Erase all sad memories. Hold each other's hands and smile. BTS "2,3!" To lose your path is the way to find that path. BTS "Lost" The dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest. BTS "Tomorrow" I'm becoming weird.To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness. - Bertrand Russell. To be 70 years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be 40 years old. - Oliver Wendell Holmes. The enemy is fear. We think it is hate, but it is fear. - Mahatma Gandhi.If you think you're going to crash, step on the pedal harder. Suga "Never Mind" Erase all sad memories. Hold each other's hands and smile. BTS "2,3!" To lose your path is the way to find that path. BTS "Lost" The dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest. BTS "Tomorrow" I'm becoming weird.15 Funny French Phrases That'll Make You Giggle. 1. "Ah, la vache!". Translation: Oh, my cow. Don't panic, no cow is lost or wildly running away. The French phrase " Ah, la vache " actually expresses surprise and excitement. The best English equivalent would be "Oh my god!". 2. "Casser les oreilles".Homer: All the time. It was the title of our second album. Check out really funny Beatles quotes that will make you laugh. 7. Bart: You make me sick, Homer. You're the one that told me I could do anything if I just put my mind to it. Homer: Well now that you're a little bit older I can tell you that's a crock.Don't treat bit like a big event." 7. "For better results stop worrying about opponents." 8. "Develop young athletes so that they compete well whether you are there or not." 9. "It worries me when young athletes are "successful" simply because of the volume of training that they are doing." 10. "If training isn't fun, kids won't improve."Some jokes are simply funny & some are plain stupid jokes. And then there are some that are too dumb, they are actually hilarious and make you laugh out loud. 31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They're Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC . See more cute, hilarious, funny pics, GIFs, videos on FunnyWorm. Everyday is a funday at FunnyWorm.53 Quotes That Will Make You Rethink Everything. 1. "Everything you can imagine is real.". ― Pablo Picasso. 2. "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and ...We saw them hanging out in the lobby, sharing stories and laughing hysterically. So on our way out, we said hello to them and asked where they were from. "Oh, we're from here," the mother said. "Our house burned down to the ground yesterday, but miraculously, all of us made it out safely.May 01, 2022 · Dear Sunday, please don’t leave me. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield. There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it. Sep 29, 2018 · The Best Funny Brain Teasers That Will Make You Think (And Laugh Out Loud) 1. When I’m young, I’m sweet in the sun. At middle-age, I make you gay. When old, I’m valued more than ever. What am I? 2. Without it, I am dead. If I am not it, then then I am behind. Funny questions that make no sense. List of funny questions that make no sense at all. If you think deep they may also make a lot of sense too. 1. Why am I a woman when I am not a man? (vice versa) 2. If my face has a meaning why doesn't it make no sense? 3. Is a square a circle that has no round surface? 4.Ron: That's wizard's chess.". " Fred Weasley: Well done, Harry. Wood's just told us. Ron: Fred and George are on the team, too. Beaters. George Weasley: Our job is to make sure that you don't get bloodied up too bad. Can't make any promises, of course. Rough game, Quidditch.They never turn the lights off. -- Ralph Bus. Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. -- M. Berle. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben. Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.I think you're a fucking idiot." 50. "That amazing moment when you hear a song you haven't heard in years and you still know every word." 51. "Word of the day: Shenanigator a person who instigates shenanigans." 52. "I can't believe how old people my age are." 53. "Home is where you trust the toilet seat." 54.64. You're just like bacon, beer and chocolate - you make everything better. 65. Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It's worth a thousand and more. Plus, it's free. 66. You're the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake. 67. You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog ...Happiness comes when you believe that you have done something truly meaningful.". Martin Yan. "If thou wilt make a man happy, add not unto his riches but take away from his desires.". Epicurus. "If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap. If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.Short and quick to read poems to make you laugh, silly yet funny rhymes in a short amount of time. There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night. ... Growing Old by Pamela J. Langdon They said I was an "old fart" But I hardly think that's true My boobs were done in '75 But my teeth and knees are new.Jul 21, 2020 · Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. – George Carlin. Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something. -Plato. The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people. -Unknown. Life is hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid. Dec 29, 2019 · Jurassic Park that is.”. — Unknown. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”. — Jon Stewart. “The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.”. — Kin Hubbard. “If you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth kid, just imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a fourth kid.”. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. "Love is the strange bewilderment which overtakes one person on account of another person.". - James Thurber. "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.". - Sophocles.101 "I miss you" Quotes for When You are Missing Someone You Love . Texts to make him laugh . Teasing can be very effective, so try to be a little cheeky when you text to make him smile. This is when you can have some fun. Whenever you see a funny video, meme or article, share it with him to brighten his day.Feb 20, 2021 · It can’t buy you money. ~ Henny Youngman. When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is. ~ Oscar Wilde. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers. Sep 12, 2018 · Here you will find top ten Funny Teacher Quotes and Sayings selected by our team. “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” —Louis-Hector Berlioz. “I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” —Woody Allen. “To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good ... Cats can be cooperative when something feels good, which, to a cat, is the way everything is supposed to feel as much of the time as possible. - Roger Caras. ". People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick. ". A cat can purr its way out of anything.15 Funny French Phrases That'll Make You Giggle. 1. "Ah, la vache!". Translation: Oh, my cow. Don't panic, no cow is lost or wildly running away. The French phrase " Ah, la vache " actually expresses surprise and excitement. The best English equivalent would be "Oh my god!". 2. "Casser les oreilles".This all is part of a vibrant workplace atmosphere . In this collection of funny work quotes, glimpse the lighter side of work life. Share these with your colleagues to create an upbeat environment in your workplace. Scott Adams, "The Dilbert Principle". "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."It doesn't have your number in it. #2. If you were a tropical fruit, you'd be a fine-apple! #3. I love you like a pig loves not being bacon. #4. Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you. #5. Life without you is like a broken pencil… pointless.Mahatma Gandhi. My whole life is waiting for the questions to which I have prepared answers. Tom Stoppard. We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows. Robert Frost. In the Clearing. Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought. Henri L. Bergson.11 Clean One Liner Jokes. "Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.". "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.". "Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.". "A computer once beat me at chess.Print out these short quotes about life and post them around your home and office! 1. Next time a stranger talks to you when you're alone, just look at them shocked and whisper. "You can see me?" 2. Dorothy never said, "There's no place like office." Make sure you enjoy a good balance of work/life/cuddle/chill. - Karen Salmansohn 3.Discover and share Funny Quotes That Make You Think. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Thomas A. Edison. Inspirational, Motivational, Positive. 367 Copy quote. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. Nov 29, 2018 · 28. “The easiest way to organize your stuff is to get rid of most of it.”. 29. “When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.” —Bernard Bailey. 30. “Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.” —Carl Sandburg. 31. The man is a walking collection of puns, rhymes, dad jokes, and earnest advice, so here are Ted Lasso's best lines from both seasons of Ted Lasso: 1."Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong." 2."If that's a joke, I love it.Discover and share Funny Quotes That Make You Think. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. 21. "Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.". 22. "I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You're my friend, you literally signed up for this.". 23. "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.". 24. "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.".Short and quick to read poems to make you laugh, silly yet funny rhymes in a short amount of time. There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night. ... Growing Old by Pamela J. Langdon They said I was an "old fart" But I hardly think that's true My boobs were done in '75 But my teeth and knees are new.The man is a walking collection of puns, rhymes, dad jokes, and earnest advice, so here are Ted Lasso's best lines from both seasons of Ted Lasso: 1."Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong." 2."If that's a joke, I love it.People with golden hearts are not easy to get, they are real gems of life. 6. Tears are words that can't be explained. 7. If you are sad, think about the poorest person. 8. Finishing everything is not the solution, your life is not just yours. 9. Never make your mother cry, she did everything for you before your birth.It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. "Love is the strange bewilderment which overtakes one person on account of another person.". - James Thurber. "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.". - Sophocles.Dear Sunday, please don't leave me. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield. There are only three things that women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it.45 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes - Short and Happy Quotes About Thanksgiving Day. 1. Your Yard Needs These Perennial Flowers and Plants. 2. 53 Genius Ways to Throw a Better Backyard Barbecue. 3. Then and Now: The Cast of 'Yellowstone'. 4. Refreshing Frozen Drinks for the Coolest Summer.The Mission: "We are on a mission from God.". This is one of the *other* most famous Blues Brother quotes from the movie. The Brothers need to convince their former band mates to reunite. Jake: We are getting the band back together. Mr. Fabulous: Forget it.If you like me, then raise your hand, If not then raise your standard. Like Button Notice ( view) When you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. Like Button Notice ( view) Sometimes the most clever thing to say is nothing at all. Like Button Notice ( view) Well, enough about me. Let's talk about you.Jurassic Park that is.". — Unknown. "Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.". — Jon Stewart. "The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.". — Kin Hubbard. "If you want to know what it's like to have a fourth kid, just imagine you are drowning and someone hands you a fourth kid.".Dec 09, 2020 · 3. "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself." Johnny Carson. 4. "I have a drinking problem, I can’t afford it." Unknown. 5. "When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day." Here is a compilation of 100 questions that make you think and help you get started on the path to wisdom: Questions on Self-Reflection. Remember wisdom favors those who seek it. Everything in your life starts with you. Understanding your innate abilities, fears, desires, insecurities, and feelings is necessary to deal with them effectively.23. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carlin. 24. "It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain." ~ Lily Tomlin. 25. "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night" ~ Steve Martin.It is living a life of learning on a schedule that meets your family's needs. Unknown. Homeschooling allows you the freedom to step off the highway of learning and take a more scenic route along a dirt road. Tamara L. Chilver. Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.It doesn't have your number in it. #2. If you were a tropical fruit, you'd be a fine-apple! #3. I love you like a pig loves not being bacon. #4. Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you. #5. Life without you is like a broken pencil… pointless.Mind-Blowing Sexy Love Quotes. When you kiss me, I don't feel butterflies. I feel the whole zoo. I love the way you explore my body. The way you walk, talk, and think—it's all sexy to me.". All I need is a hug and our bed. Your lips are like honey, and your kisses are like wine. Related: Badass Quotes.Winnie the Pooh. "Love is taking a few steps backward maybe even more to give way to the happiness of the person you love."—. Winnie the Pooh. "If people are upset because you've forgotten something, console them by letting them know you didn't forget—you just weren't remembering."—. Winnie the Pooh.Thomas A. Edison. Inspirational, Motivational, Positive. 367 Copy quote. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. Steve Martin. Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. Steve Martin. I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. Like I. Steve Martin. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. Money Beautiful Believe I.4 "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.". - Robin Williams. 5 "You can't make somebody love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best." [Read: 55 funny quotes about love and all its complications] 6 "Women are like iPhones.21. “Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there 20 minutes late.”. 22. “I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this.”. 23. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”. 24. “If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.”. 1. Calvin Quotes. "There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.". - Calvin. "Becoming an adult is probably the dumest thing you could ever do.". - Calvin. "How old do you have to be before you know what's going on?".1) The black dot. One day, a professor entered his classroom and asked his students to prepare for a surprise test. They all waited anxiously at their desks for the exam to begin. The professor handed out the exams with the text facing down, as usual.Funny Weird Quotes That Make You Think 26. I thought weirdness was a good thing. I don't mean that defensively, either. I thought it was something to be cultivated. - Holly Black 27. In writing a weird story, I always try very carefully to achieve the right mood and atmosphere and place the emphasis where it belongs. - H. P. Lovecraft 28.95 Copy quote Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. Steve Irwin Betrayal, I Hate You, Hypocrite 207 Copy quote Show source People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. A. A. Milne Inspiring, Witty, People 810 Copy quote Show source I have not failed.Jun 08, 2022 · You love animals, but you eat them. Now you tell me you love me, that’s why I’m scared!” ~ Anonymous. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”~ Dr. Seuss. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”~ Cullen Hightower. “Clothes make the man. May 25, 2019 · This all is part of a vibrant workplace atmosphere . In this collection of funny work quotes, glimpse the lighter side of work life. Share these with your colleagues to create an upbeat environment in your workplace. Scott Adams, "The Dilbert Principle". "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." It is living a life of learning on a schedule that meets your family's needs. Unknown. Homeschooling allows you the freedom to step off the highway of learning and take a more scenic route along a dirt road. Tamara L. Chilver. Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.Just watch. 5. Ellen Degeneres Walks the Path. "Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.". - Ellen Degeneres. When it comes to life, you have your own path that you are walking.Funny Money Management Quote #1. "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.". - Will Smith. Funny Money Management Quote #2. "There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.". - Jack Yelton.6. Which armrest is yours at a movie theater? Holding a large tub of popcorn helps eliminate this problem since you need your arms to keep the container from tipping over. At some point, you appreciate the armrests more for the cupholders than for anything else. 7.29 Funny Mom Quotes That Will Have You Cry-Laughing. Charlotte Hilton Andersen Updated: Apr. 08, 2022. Silence isn't golden... it's suspicious, say all moms everywhere.Funny birthday quotes can amuse just about anyone you know. Choose funny birthday quotes that most tickle your own funny bone and best reflect the recipient's sense of humor. ... Choose funny birthday wishes that you think will make him laugh. For ideas, take a look at the examples of funny birthday wishes below. Pick one or two to give him a ...You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. Sam Levenson; A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Steve Martin ————— You’re on Funny Positive Quotes. You might like: Uplift your Spirits Quotations. Funny Sayings. Funny wordplay and puns. Humorous Holiday ... 39 Jimmy Durante Quotes to Tickle Your Funny Bone. Jimmy Durante is the famous comedian who said "Good night, Mrs. Calabash" - one of the most memorable catchphrases by any entertainer. He was a trained and skilled pianist, singer, and actor as well. As a young boy, Durante wanted to try his luck as a saloon pianist.1. "If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." -Muhammad Ali. 2. "You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the ...Dec 09, 2020 · 3. "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself." Johnny Carson. 4. "I have a drinking problem, I can’t afford it." Unknown. 5. "When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day." Jun 08, 2022 · You love animals, but you eat them. Now you tell me you love me, that’s why I’m scared!” ~ Anonymous. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”~ Dr. Seuss. “Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”~ Cullen Hightower. “Clothes make the man. Jul 29, 2021 · “I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.” – Unknown “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese “Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.” – Unknown The man is a walking collection of puns, rhymes, dad jokes, and earnest advice, so here are Ted Lasso's best lines from both seasons of Ted Lasso: 1."Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn't it? If you're comfortable while you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong." 2."If that's a joke, I love it.Really Funny. There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate. Linda Grayson. One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements. Marcelene Cox. A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body. Jim Hayes.Mal crossed his arms and considered the privateer. "I can't decide if you're crazy or stupid.". "I have so many good qualities," Sturmhond said. "It can be hard to choose.". ― Leigh Bardugo, Siege and Storm. tags: alina-starkov , crazy , good-qualities , malyen-oretsev , nikolai-lantsov , sturmhond. 584 likes.1. Calvin Quotes. "There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.". - Calvin. "Becoming an adult is probably the dumest thing you could ever do.". - Calvin. "How old do you have to be before you know what's going on?".